Inhibition .

Lyingggg… In my bed I think of you…

Caught up in circles… there is nothing new…..flashbacks.. warm nights… almost left behind… I picture this every morning and I think of you… sleeping with wires is a dream come true.. (Time after time)

Sleep disruption due to poor Inhibition response or anxiety?

When it comes to sleep, People are amazing. It is incredible how much they can sleep, anytime, anywhere in any position. Everyone has different sleep lifecycles, and they mostly follow it though it may be unfortunate enough to affect their circadian rhythm. I mean only stupid people sleep before 11.30, right? Taking a farther look down into our body, we discover the organs that help function and govern everything happening inside us. It’s intricate delicateness & the simple commands are mesmerizing enough to know how natural this body seems and works. But what if all these were untrue in one basic sense - that you couldn’t feel it, there is no natural sense of your existence, and your only mighty existence is in someone’s vague memory, and that is fading away too. Feeling natural, calm, peaceful, composed is part of our natural process, and everyone is entitled to the satiety of this body. This process is not only easily disturbed for PTSD, Anxiety Disorders but also changes the underlying rules of our human nature. Combined with the evil powers of insomnia and migraine is a destructive demon. A demon that could easily slip into depression. Let’s Boil Down.

The Struggle

This is what was described in a note from a friend after all the occurrences of similar experiences with sleep and anxiety.

• Your body does not feel you. You feel the discomforting negative vibrating energy in your body.
• You can’t sleep straight, something keeps poignant and gives you a tight jerk if you try sleeping.

• There are constantly people in your head waiting for you when you’re in bed and creates thousands of pictures in a second.. Someone speaking to you loudly at the same time… you slide off the bed, you keep moving side to side.. Try to open the eyes the effect stays the same.. you get up it stops.. but there’s a pain in your hands now. Then the only thing that gets me distracted is typing this thing out… But the pain is there, and it won’t allow me to sleep… Either you feel too cold or too hot to run away from the room. There is no comfortable position at all. You can’t sit anywhere; it feels trembling… You can’t sleep, listen to music, listen to the meditation, let alone use this time of not sleeping to my advantage. Regardless you try again somehow you can access the conscious part of sleeping in your brain and send a signal to your body to sleep again, try again, and so we try. Sleeping straight, relaxed, taking deep breaths like in yoga Nidra or deep relaxation meditation, which with practice you become good at. You sleep that way, and just when you thought you drifted apart, and you’re going to sleep, and the nightmare is ending.. it gives you a jerk… I get the hip bone jerk and multiple times enough to get me off that position into turning myself on the back and my hands underneath my thighs, locking myself completely ..pushing my body with hands tied onto the bed. It feels suitable for a few seconds until it realizes. The side to side neck rotation exercise starts like in a horror movie the ghost looks left-right quickly that’s what you do here… bang your head left to right to find a comfortable posture but that is a trap, set for me to come out of the hand locking position.. that worked. I felt very exhausted ..and I thought exhausted I’d finally get sleep, but they play their final card.. it gives some signals to the shoulders, and the joints start banging to the bed one by one left and right until it finally releases me from my lock. I’m back to square one…the mind is alert subconsciously, and I’m trying to fool it… You’re back to counting something, weird characters whose image never forms up, your chest jerks, and the constant hands and legs pain never really allows for a night of sleep. The night until 5.30-6am in the morning when the time seems nice and fresh..you get a 30min nap just to protect you from hallucinating. It actually tricks the brain again that it has slept by sleeping at a time you feel you’ve slept. It was very scary when my friends told me I had gone outside in the garden in the middle of the night.

  “But nothing feels me or my body.. I don’t know where we are or what they want..all we want is sleep.. which the demons will never gift us.” - My Friend

Tried, Tested.

Have you Tried and Tested or Tasted or Experienced everything, every law in the universe? But it turns out there is no set law that is helping people come out of this without medications, meditation, CBT, all kinds of therapies, and love. All without assurity of it working. Does love help? Heard of how a person of any gender changed completely after marriage or after finding love?

Heard of how a person of any gender changed completely after marriage or after finding love?

Love had somehow interfered with how you are made and made some changes to stay according to rules of love so to make a healthy relationship possible. It might have changed your neural circuitry and possibly made you into a better person.

Imagine a friend who also feels more like your brother, and you care for him that way too. Now this person has it all - anxiety, insomnia, migraine combined with an overimaginative, overthinking, and a brilliant mind. The friend comes to you and tells you that he might have a Bicameral mind. The anxiety is both of them. There is no me at those times. There is absolutely zero control.

You try to comfort him saying everything will be alright, just try sleeping early and get rid of your bad habits(ain’t much) - you give ridiculous, but caring suggestions which you think will work just fine. You tell them to take medications, have a disciplined sleep schedule, stop overthinking(haha),

My Favorite - If you can’t sleep at night why don’t you use that time to study or learn something - I bet you could use the extra time, we people don’t get enough time to learn- you’re lucky. Meditation all that.

These suggestions are very caring but stupid. Even talking to a therapist who specializes in CBT(Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - More on this next time) suggested some tricks, formulas, reward functions to give yourself from time to time and to not let it distract to put in simple terms.

To keep in control, meditation isn’t getting you anywhere permanently as well. The friend tried for 3 days, and 1 day he magically fell asleep for 5-6 hours. It’s the maximum that the person had ever got during the last 3-4 months. The results are encouraging, and every day he goes through permutations to see if this would work to let him somehow sleep today, and in turn, he tries all of the things which again disturbs the mind. One day I decided to send an audio note to my friend, who included me singing a stotra slowly from Sikhism(The mool mantra), and that helped him sleep magically. He woke up and told me to keep sending… it worked for another day with the same note though.

I kept thinking why does this help him sleep after listening to it repeatedly, is he trying to bore his brain to death? That’s what his solution is or has he found love which was in the audio, and he felt it.. felt loved by a brother, and he felt an intimate connection, had someone to support him. Turns out love does work- but only sometimes. There were times when he tried very hard even when sleeping on my lap for hours with me singing him soft kitty from the big bang theory - he would get short naps, but I was just delighted to at least give him that, give that much relief to the sufferings endured by him. I do realize it now coz it’s happened to me, but he taught me how to handle it, how to fool it even when you’re not in control. You don’t fight it. Anxiety will always win.

This is what it might look like if imagined -

This is gibberish text which is just less letter spacing - I mean in negative pixels. This is what it is like in images.

The anxious mind tries to decipher this in an unending cycle. Personally, When you feel all that described in Struggle, One can only really feel it when you yourself feel it. No books, no articles, no person can demonstrate how anxiety looks like. There have been significant efforts made my Nicky’s blog with her crazy animated storyNcase, but none have come close. Even if you were given a person to observe and calculate their behavior overtime on sleep, social, or any anxiety-inducing task, you would, to a certain extent, come up with a series of patterns based on your judgment through their actions. Still, it would all come down to you actually experiencing it. But how can you do the streamlining of thoughts, overthinking, insomnia, animation, imagination all into one single tiny magical head of yours- possible downloading our brain and transferring a copy into yours - NeuraLink could help. But Oh, we are far, far away. Is there any other way to look at anxiety? I still encourage y’all to come up with solutions that you think are helpful and mail it to nilesh@augle.ai

How to Be Ready?

That people are there for you, you’re not in this alone.

Our Podcast The Sneaky Freaky PodcastAI Existential Crisis

Recommended apps -

• Slowly(send letters to like-minded amazing people)
• Turing AI app(Curated youtube tutorials)

Documentaries to watch -

• Cowspiracy
• Heal on Netflix
• SPECIAL MENTION TV SHOW - Westworld (nothing better exists for me.. nothing)

Music -

• Hooverphonic old concerts
• Michael Schulte- Someone
• Time after Time (Iron & Wine)